Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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