Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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