I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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