we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
