Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
