sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
BRING THE BAGELS
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
