When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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