Your tits are I can't wait for
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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