if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
