i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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