i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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