He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
