I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
