THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
