You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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