Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
