You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
