You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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