I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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