this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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