It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
