just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
