I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
