I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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