I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
