Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My life is pants optional.
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