I wish my penis had an off switch
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
