Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
