You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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