I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
