No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
