how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
