and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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