those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
