i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
