I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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