whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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