um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
