He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
