i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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