Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
