The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
