I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
