So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
