Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
