She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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