do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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