Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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