my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
