fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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