a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize