I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
