it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize