wakey wakey hands off snakey
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
