Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
