Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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