So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
