i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
