My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
