Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
