I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
