Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
