We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize