1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
