Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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