He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
