We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
