She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If I die, sorry about rent.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
