Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
