i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
