get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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