4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
