last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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