Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize