So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
