They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
