i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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