hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Lo siento on account of my penis...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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