I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
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