we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
